Lovey

By Monte Hale | on August 29, 2023

Dove season celebrates its traditional Sept. 1 season opener Friday, and the skies will be raining lead.

It’s estimated that two boxes of shells (50) are required to put a limit of 15 doves in the bag. Considering the cost of ammo nowadays, it’s no wonder they’re called “mourning” doves. It’s not because of their mournful cooing; it’s the sound hunters make when they get their credit card bill from the sporting goods store.

Frankly, I suspect the two boxes-per-limit is exaggerated. I doubt it’s that high.

I once went on a dove hunt on which a fellow nimrod counted a puff of feathers as a downed dove. At the end of the hunt he claimed he had bagged 15, but had only five in his pouch.

He also cheated on his golf score.

Dove shooting is the least cost-efficient of all wild-game hunting. A dove weighs four ounces, and you get perhaps three nibbles from a grilled breast. Those are expensive nibbles.

As a kid, I couldn’t afford an entire box of shells. I bought them five or ten at a time, and made every shot count.

I wouldn’t squander a shell on a little two-bit, two-bite dove when I could use it to bag a plump squirrel or rabbit. My friend Ms. Cheap has nothing on Mr. Frugal.

Even for good shooters, doves are hard targets. They don’t just stand there and gawk, like a turkey. They come streaking overhead like little gray rockets, dipping and darting, zigging and zagging. It’s fascinating to see a flock of doves appear on the horizon and go zinging over a field guarded by platoons of trigger-itchy hunters.

Guns begin booming at the far end, and the ground-fire ripples along the field as the doves maneuver through the flak. Occasionally one goes down in a burst of feathers, but most make it through the gauntlet.I feel like saluting as they sail past.

Another reason why doves are so hard to hit is because hunters are always looking over their shoulder to see if a game warden is sneaking up on them. It’s illegal to hunt over a baited field, and it’s not entirely clear what, exactly, constitutes one.

A “baited field” is defined as one in which grain is scattered on the ground to attract doves. But if the grain gets there through “normal agricultural practices” it’s legal – even if it’s done for the sole and obvious purpose of attracting doves.

How convoluted is the baiting regulation? One year a high-ranking state wildlife administrator was busted for shooting doves over a baited field. He said he didn’t know it was baited.

Between the high cost of shells, worrying about getting busted for baiting, and the frustration of not being able to hit a bird if one happens to dart past, I may sit out Opening Day.

Doves are too hard on the psyche and the wallet.